1. Coffee is hot.
2. If you see ninjas, it means you're about to die.
3. If you want to be successful in life, you should go somewhere else.
4. Do not try to iron a plastic shower curtain.
5. Do not use a hairdryer in a bathtub.
6. Do not leave a small child unattended in a bathtub.
7. Do not use a hairdryer on a small child in a bathtub.
8. Life isn't fair.
10. Sometimes life will try to cheat you out of something. For example, did you notice I skipped number 9?
11. If life tries to cheat you out of something, refer to tip #8 and get over it.
12. Always follow directions given on signs.
13. Do not read this tip. It is the tip that follows after an unlucky number.
14. If you read the last tip, quickly pluck a four-leaf clover, place it in your hair, and throw salt over your left shoulder. (Or was it right?)
15. If you really want to develop hand-eye coordination, don't play video games. Buy an etch-a-sketch.
16. Hugs, not drugs.
17. If modern slang is used incorrectly, it can lead to a punch in the face. For example, if you call someone a "phat ridiculous dope", you'll get what is referred to as a "shiner".
18. If you feel like you might throw up, lie down on your back and position your arms above your head. This will either make you fell better, or make you throw up and get it over with.
19. If you watch Jersey Shore................... Get help.
20. If you have to choose between the Grinch and a seasick crocodile, always go with the seasick crocodile.
21. Saying "I'm offended" doesn't give you any more power over someone else.
22. An "omnomnom-agon" looks like this:
Well, that's all for now, mainly because that's all that I could think of.